Dear Logan,
What a difference a year makes. A year ago I was so anxious to meet you, to touch you, to see that you were really here, and really okay. And then you came into our lives, in a night that taught me a little more about what faith really is. I think I prayed harder that night than I have in my entire life.
It was an unusual night for me. I had planned to be surrounded by your grandparents and Aunt S, with daddy of course. But due to the yucky flu going around, only your daddy was allowed to be there. When your little heart rate decided to take a plunge around 11:30pm, your daddy was there to comfort me and reassure me of course, but I wanted my own mommy and daddy, and the bestie too, so I wouldn’t have even a second for those anxious thoughts to bother me. Instead I just threw everything I had into believing that it was going to be okay. That you were my little boy and I was going to see you in just a few hours. And then I did, in what was the most amazing experience I've ever had.
Oh we’ve had an interesting year! I spent the first two weeks of your life talking to your Aunt S on the phone in the bathroom, because that was the only time I was able to breathe for a few minutes. You and I have spent A LOT of time in that rocker in your room in the middle of the night – and I cherish every minute. I’ll never forget calling Grandpa F almost every morning for the first year, to report in about your nightly sleeping…but don’t worry, turns out you were still a better sleeper than I ever was!
I love singing your “What a Great Day!” song and seeing you smile. I love tickling your toes under the high chair and hearing your laugh. I love that when we rock in the chair at night you start out on my shoulder and then predictably move so you’re laying in the crook of my arm, with your little hand reaching up to my shoulder. I rub my cheek against yours when you fall asleep, and you get the cutest little sleepy smile.
Do I still worry? Of course, I’m a mom! But I also think you’ve made me a more positive person – I think your Grandma and Grandpa F, who have known me longer than anyone, would tell you that you have truly changed me for the better. Over the past year I’ve tried to have a more positive outlook on life and truly count my blessings each day. One of the best compliments I have ever gotten was when your Grandma and Grandpa F told me they thought I was a wonderful mom – still brings little tears to my eyes.
There is nothing like the light in your eyes when you see me and know I’m coming to get you – out of the crib, carseat, pack n play, or wherever we’ve tried to keep you contained. It is a feeling of WOW – I am his mommy.
And wow, do you have a great daddy! He has reassured me every step of the way. He loves you so much and loves to show it too! You did a lot of sleeping in his arms as our little burrito those first few weeks. I could never have done all of this without him!
I love you baby boy! I hope you have had a great first year. Remember, your daddy and I will always love you, unconditionally. Whatever happens, wherever your life may take you, we’ll be your cheering section.
Thank you for changing my life forever, in the best way possible.
Love,
Mommy
Dear Mommy & Daddy,
ReplyDeleteI happen to think you’re pretty special too. I know I’ve only scratched the surface in learning all about this crazy, wonderful world you brought me into, but one thing I figured out pretty quickly was how truly blessed I am to have you guys (and my grandmas and grandpas too of course!) to guide me along, help me make all the right choices, and keep loving me when maybe my choices turn out to be not so right. Though there will be many (actually many, many, many) times in the coming years I will try your patience to the max, and cause you to lose sleep (yes, even more than you’re losing now) and question your own abilities as parents, please know that I understand there’s no magic formula for this whole “parenting” thing, and I will always love you unconditionally too (yes, it works both ways!).
So keep holding on tight guys, this thrill ride has only just begun!
Love, Logan
Logan,
ReplyDeleteThe day that I met you was one of the most profound experiances in my life. My little boy was finally here and I could finally hold him in my arms. It was so tough for me having to wait for you to come out and meet your Mommy and I. Before that, I relied on your Mommy telling me when you were kicking or turning when I would sing to you. Then of course you had to give Daddy the scare of his life when your heart rate dropped.
Dont tell your Mommy this, but he was so scared and prayed so hard that night that you would be alright. I had to be there for your Mommy to support her, but was a wreck myself. I can tell you that sleeping was difficult with that heart rate monitor constantly beeping.
Then all of a sudden, you were here and I was following you making sure no one took you. Every day since then has been a miracle and while I may be lacking some sleep, loved every minute of it. You have the most amazing mother in this world who adores you so much. Always remember that she and I love you so much. Also both sets of your Grandparents love you so much and have been such a big help this past year. We couldnt have managed without both sets of their help.
On your birthday, I wish you a happy birthday and look forward to many more with you. I make you a promise that I will be here for you and will do everything in my power to be here for you.
Love Daddy